I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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