Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
