You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
