he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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