So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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