so that wasnt chicken after all
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
