seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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