I wish I only lived at night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
