God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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