No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize