NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
