just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize