i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
