I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
