I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
