Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
