I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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