I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
