peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
