my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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