I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
