i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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