I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
