I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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