the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
