There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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