she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
