see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
