This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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