we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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