My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
