I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
