At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think my fart just growled at me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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