I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
