if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
