True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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