Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
