I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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