Apparently you make a good broom.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
