the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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