my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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