You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
