No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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