like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize