zippers are such a cool invention
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
