My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
