How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
