I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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