I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
