Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
