This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was confusing and full of hummus
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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