and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
