Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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