Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize