I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
