I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
