No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I will be naked everywhere
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
