God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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