sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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