Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone came in the potted fern
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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