we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
