I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
