No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I need to stop coming to work sober
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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