in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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