South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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