We're like a lot better than the average bears
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
