Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
