so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
