You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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